that was hard

the sibling family just came to get baby boy:( I thought that was going to be a little easier. I had my moments of being fine and then crying at random times when thinking about not having him around or when I rocked him for the last time, etc. but then with seeing him leave, ugh that's a whole different thing. I miss him. I am mainly just sad for him and him having to go through ANOTHER change. he must be confused:( he had just started to reach for me when someone else was holding him and then he would spot me in a crowd and get excited. that's hard. the new foster mom is very nice, shes been doing this for 8 years and she seems very excited to have him. but she has 3 adopted, and now 3 foster under the age of four so she has her hands full! I am sure this is normal and also a little arrogant to think but  feel like can't he stay? won't he would be better off here? but I may feel that way about any child we love and they love us. and babies are just so innocent and easy to love! I knew/know this part was part of it and it will always be hard but I guess you get use to it? that's hard to imagine. or maybe it just becomes the norm. poor kirea was fine and then she saw me crying and she started crying hysterically and reaching her arms out towards the door yelling baby boys name. woah shes not dramatic or anything! but if I was honest, she was doing what I wish I could. baby boy belongs to our God, he loves him way more than I do, he sees the big picture and I choose to trust Him. I need to continue to give him to Jesus. and its okay to be sad. I am just praying the little time he had with us helped in some way to know unconditional love, to know its okay to get attached to people that love him, and that someday he will understand how much his creator loves him. he was such a blessing to our family and I could ask for a better first placement. I miss him. we are going to go back on the list on monday and take a few good quality time days with caleb and kirea while tony is out of town. looking forward to it and praying as God prepares our next placement! 


 <3 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18