reality has set in..

today has been one of the harder days. so I need to vent some, so if anyone reading this is looking for encouragement or a pick me up for fostering this is NOT going to be the one to read:( I think its just really setting in the reality of the changes and sacrifices this is going to take. I think that baby girl J also had a honeymoon stage as well because last week she was happy and easy going. the last few days she has been needy, whiny, throwing fit after fit and tests us anytime we say no. it is very clear that she did not have any boundaries. so anytime I say no and redirect her, she throws herself on the ground and throws her head back. tonight we all went to try to watch tony's mom receive an award and she was being squirmy and and sat her down on the chair, she threw herself back and fell off the chair and hit her head during the award banquet with everyone staring. she we hung out in the lobby for the next hour or so. that is isn't out of the norm to have to remove an 18 month old from a quiet atmosphere but for some reason I just felt sad and alone. I think its just the reality. the reality that life is more stressful than it had been, that it is going to take a lot of patience, its going to take work to not allow it to put a strain on our marriage, my kids are getting less of me, there certain places and things we are not going to be to go and do. and it is hard missing the baby stage and going straight to the fits and the 'terrible two' behaviors. with all that being said...we knew this was part of it, we knew there would be hard times, sacrifices, adjustments, still doesn't make it easy when it actually happens. 

baby girl J deserves unconditional love, consistency, boundaries, a loving family. and I want to be that for her. she is the cutest thing and its so clear she is confused and has become more and more attached to me each day, which is cute and hard at the same time. she is slowly warming up to tony so that's good. he is so sweet with her. these hard days have caused me to realize no matter how passionate I am about this, how prepared we were, how called we felt..I can NOT do this on my own. I need to be praying constantly, leaning on God, in his word, and clinging to him when it becomes hard, at all times. I CAN DO HARD THINGS. 'For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength'. Philippians 4:13 I am also so thankful for my husband that is such a huge support and lets me cry, and I have friends that have allowed me to lean on them as well, I am so blessed.