I am feeling the need to write because I am getting to that point where I am falling so in love that I am getting scared and sad:( NEED TO STOP. I am suppose to fall in love with him and love him as my own. He deserves that. He has officially become a part of our family around our house. Caleb told him I think 6 times tonight that he loves him, Kirea gets sad when he leaves for school and she told her friends to be nice to her little brother today, and for me now all through the day I just have that sudden surge that I just want to grab him and hold him and kiss and hug him just as I do with my own kids. I find the things he says and does is cuter everyday. And well I am chop liver when Tony is around, R just adores Tony. I know that CPS is going to make it their first priority to get the siblings in one home. Parents rights may be severed. But that will be a long road and then IF it does happen they will try to find someone that is able to take R and his two sisters. Which is how it should be, he should be with his siblings. But then my selfishness kicks in and I worry about our family and how it will affect us. How long will he stay, how attached will our kids get? Will he have to start over with a new family? How hard will it be to say goodbye? My selfish part of me says, NO I WANT HIM TO STAY!
SO with all of that I need to be praying for peace. I text earlier Tony today because I did have this feeling peace today that I am so very sure that I was created to do foster care and so grateful that I have a husband that also has such a heart for it and because of his support and how he loves and provides for us I can live out one of the purposes God has given me. Trusting in the fact that God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27
You are doing a great job! You're SUPPOSED to love them the way you do...but it sure is difficult when your heart is in a position to break. I keep thinking of that song "All of Me" by Matt Hammitt. It's my go-to song a lot when I've worried about the littles. We pray for you guys often, and I just want you to take-heart...you're amazing, and as much as he has been a blessing to you, you and tony and your kiddos have been exactly what God planned for him, for such a time as this! :)
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