I want to eat him up!

I am feeling the need to write because I am getting to that point where I am falling so in love that I am getting scared and sad:( NEED TO STOP. I am suppose to fall in love with him and love him as my own. He deserves that. He has officially become a part of our family around our house. Caleb told him I think 6 times tonight that he loves him, Kirea gets sad when he leaves for school and she told her friends to be nice to her little brother today, and for me now all through the day I just have that sudden surge that I just want to grab him and hold him and kiss and hug him just as I do with my own kids. I find the things he says and does is cuter everyday. And well I am chop liver when Tony is around, R just adores Tony. I know that CPS is going to make it their first priority to get the siblings in one home. Parents rights may be severed. But that will be a long road and then IF it does happen they will try to find someone that is able to take R and his two sisters. Which is how it should be, he should be with his siblings. But then my selfishness kicks in and I worry about our family and how it will affect us. How long will he stay, how attached will our kids get? Will he have to start over with a new family? How hard will it be to say goodbye? My selfish part of me says, NO I WANT HIM TO STAY!

SO with all of that I need to be praying for peace. I text earlier Tony today because I did have this feeling peace today that I am so very sure that I was created to do foster care and so grateful that I have a husband that also has such a heart for it and because of his support and how he loves and provides for us I can live out one of the purposes God has given me. Trusting in the fact that God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

Never going to be able to understand

We had a fun time getting out the decorations and putting the tree up and all the lights outside. Little R was beyond excited. He is just loving the lights on our house and when we drive through the neighborhood and see them all. I would call it borderline obsessed, asking all day when we will blow up the 'NoMan' in the front yard and he has to watch it blow up. Its really cute. 

Last week he had a hard time. He left to go to a visit, its over an hour drive since they have to go pick up his little sister in Laveen and then to the CPS office. Well this time parents didn't call to cancel, they just didn't show. So he did get to see his sisters for a few minutes but then they brought him back. He seemed okay at first and he was fine but then a little bit later we were in the bathroom and he was on the potty and he said "no mommy, daddy". It broke my heart. I didn't even know what to say. I don't get stumped a lot but really didn't know exactly how to comfort him or make it positive. Every day since that day when he gets off the bus he asks if he's going to see Mommy, Daddy. And then cries and whines when I say no not today. Every night we pray as I rock him, I thank God for letting him be here in our home and letting us love him and then I pray for his Mommy and Daddy and I asked God to protect them and that they can all be together again soon. R has always loved the rocking chair and for me to rock him but now he goes to it randomly and rocks and says mommy daddy, mommy daddy. He does it when we are trying to get him dressed, when he is being silly, when he's happy or sad. Its like he loves when we pray for them. Precious boy.