Tired but Hopeful

The best way I can describe how I am ending this week is OVERWHELMED. Its just been one of those weeks. On top of already being nonstop busy, Tony has been even MORE busy this week with his business, the station, and then we are doing a refi on our house, and the list goes. Just crazy stuff, good stuff but crazy. So being with the three kids can be hard at times. They are all great kids, just the "refereeing" gets old FAST. I know I am going to miss so much about these ages but the I sure could do without the fighting! I could go on and ON with my 'mommy venting' but as far as updates on R..

He is doing really well. He has so many sweet moments that they help balance out the needy, whiny, crazy hyper moments. :) I had one situation come up the other day at the library with R and "mama bear" came out and I became so protective of him... just another indicator that yep in my heart, he has become "one of mine". He continues to just feel like one of us. But then there are days, like VISIT days. I have come to HATE visit days. He is in the car for about 4 hours on both Saturday and Mondays for a quick two hour visit at a CPS office. He comes back so out of it because he is exhausted and probably emotionally drained and confused. This last time he came back with poop all in his pants because no one helped him wipe. He also said when he came back, 'I only want you'. I am not sure what he means by that exactly but he knows what he means. So now that this has been our longest placement (6 months) I am seeing how LONG this takes and its making me mad and sad. I am at the point of just desperately wanting permanency for him. His forever home to be figured out, like NOW.  And the sad thing is it looks like its going to be a loooong while! His Grandma was denied on the background check so she is NO for taking the kiddos. :( SO next step is if the rights are severed at the end of the month like they are suppose to be, then the kids will go into a "Red File" and they will see if someone will come forward to adopt R and his two sisters. THEN if no one comes up they may consider adopting them separately. Once again feeling torn, and either way would be bittersweet. We, of course love him and think he would fit perfectly here. But I also feel as though God is working on my heart some or allowing me to trust Him more because now, as I mentioned, I just want the visits to stop, for his future to begin with whatever family that may be. I know that any family that comes forward and has a heart to adopt all three have to amazing people, he will get to be with his sisters, and God will heal my heart. I am trying to take myself out of the equation and just pray for a the forever family that this sweet boy deserves, whoever that may be. 

This week has been FAR from comfortable for me, so this quote was so good for me.

“But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” ― Francis Chan