SO EXCITED for this new ministry at our church!

Foster Care, the forgotten child, and orphans have always been an issue that has stirred something inside of me, hurt my heart and just something I am passionate about. As we became more serious about becoming foster parents we heard from other people in our classes that their home church was huge part of their support system. And it was hard for me to understand how our amazing church had not taken on this huge issue of foster care or at least have a support group or something for those families that fostered. But so cool how God answered that prayer for me and probably so many others but He did not just answer that prayer He multiplied it. CCV has decided that one of the goals of 2013 is to start a large foster care ministry, to help families get through the process of considering being foster/adoptive parents to actually doing it. And then ultimately, eventually clear out the foster care shelters, group homes, and have a home for each child in need. The numbers just keep increasing and there is such a shortage of homes to where these children can go. I am praying that Tony and I can find time in our busy lives to help in any way we can to help get this ministry going, help families that are new to fostering feel supported, or help them through the process. Prayers that this ministry will change foster care in Phoenix forever!

Back to School!

The kids were so excited to help R get on the preschool bus and wave goodbye to him. His year has started off a little rough. He seems to really test his teachers there and struggle with listening. And its really hard on the days following his visits. Its so hard that he has to still go on visits twice a week. He is transported all over town and so confused and tired when he gets home. He almost always has diarrhea from stress and has been getting sick a lot. I will be so glad to have some answers and for R to have some consistency.  

Will you adopt?

So as the trial date for severance gets closer and grandma in Massachusetts ended up not being able to take the kids, they have asked us if we would be willing to adopt R. Woah what a big decision but not a hard decision. We would love to have him as a permanent part of our family. Forever a family of FIVE. Crazy to think of. His oldest sister actually recently was able to go and live with the grandmother on the other side of the family, dad's mom. She is not able to take all three kids because she is getting older, she is single, and financially unable to care for all of them. So they came to us and asked if we would take R and they asked R's little sisters foster mom if she would adapt. CPS does not like to separate the siblings but is going to present to the judge that they all three have forever homes and plan on letting the siblings keep in touch. Its going to hard to wait and see how this will play out but going to keep praying that Gods will is the result and R is exactly where he is suppose to be.

He's a FOUR YEAR OLD!

We are so excited to be able to celebrate R's 4th birthday with him. We did a party at the mall with friends, pizza, cupcake cake, and train rides. I have never seen a happier kid. He is obsessed with trains so this was a great party for him, his smile says it all.

Off to Disneyland!

We feel so blessed and excited to experience Disney and the beach with R. We didn't tell them until we got in the car and they were so surprise and excited. I wish I could upload that video but it shows his face. R yelled I am going to go on Car's ride. We had such a fun time!

Tired but Hopeful

The best way I can describe how I am ending this week is OVERWHELMED. Its just been one of those weeks. On top of already being nonstop busy, Tony has been even MORE busy this week with his business, the station, and then we are doing a refi on our house, and the list goes. Just crazy stuff, good stuff but crazy. So being with the three kids can be hard at times. They are all great kids, just the "refereeing" gets old FAST. I know I am going to miss so much about these ages but the I sure could do without the fighting! I could go on and ON with my 'mommy venting' but as far as updates on R..

He is doing really well. He has so many sweet moments that they help balance out the needy, whiny, crazy hyper moments. :) I had one situation come up the other day at the library with R and "mama bear" came out and I became so protective of him... just another indicator that yep in my heart, he has become "one of mine". He continues to just feel like one of us. But then there are days, like VISIT days. I have come to HATE visit days. He is in the car for about 4 hours on both Saturday and Mondays for a quick two hour visit at a CPS office. He comes back so out of it because he is exhausted and probably emotionally drained and confused. This last time he came back with poop all in his pants because no one helped him wipe. He also said when he came back, 'I only want you'. I am not sure what he means by that exactly but he knows what he means. So now that this has been our longest placement (6 months) I am seeing how LONG this takes and its making me mad and sad. I am at the point of just desperately wanting permanency for him. His forever home to be figured out, like NOW.  And the sad thing is it looks like its going to be a loooong while! His Grandma was denied on the background check so she is NO for taking the kiddos. :( SO next step is if the rights are severed at the end of the month like they are suppose to be, then the kids will go into a "Red File" and they will see if someone will come forward to adopt R and his two sisters. THEN if no one comes up they may consider adopting them separately. Once again feeling torn, and either way would be bittersweet. We, of course love him and think he would fit perfectly here. But I also feel as though God is working on my heart some or allowing me to trust Him more because now, as I mentioned, I just want the visits to stop, for his future to begin with whatever family that may be. I know that any family that comes forward and has a heart to adopt all three have to amazing people, he will get to be with his sisters, and God will heal my heart. I am trying to take myself out of the equation and just pray for a the forever family that this sweet boy deserves, whoever that may be. 

This week has been FAR from comfortable for me, so this quote was so good for me.

“But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” ― Francis Chan

the latest news and want to gush some more about this boy

The update with R's case is that they made contact with Grandma in Massachusetts and she said she is willing to adopt all three kids. (R and his two sisters). So BIG PICTURE this could be a great thing. I, of course, feel torn for many reasons. One, I have a sister, I love my sister and could not imagine not growing up without her, we share a bond that could not be replaced by anyone else. I want that for R, I want him to grow up with his blood sisters, I want them to be so close. And that would be so great for him to have a relationship with his paternal grandmother. 

Some down sides to this is I guess dealing with out of state kinship can be a VERY long process, I have heard anywhere from 4 months to 18 months! That's when I start getting worried and sad. Sad for R and his sisters, having to miss out on all that time with his forever family, to get that much more established and comfortable in our home, with our kids becoming his siblings in his mind, and so on. I hate the thought of him starting over again, moving again, new routine...or no routine :( It's hard for my mind not to wonder to worse case or the possibility that it would not be a good place and what that would look like for these kids. I hope that I get to meet his grandma either via Skype or over the phone or something, and maybe that would ease my mind some? Just sending him off to who knows who. That's a hard thought. And then without getting into too many details of the case, it sounds like these poor birth parents simply do not know how to parent these three kids. And then I think if you don't know how to parent, you probably weren't parented? So that's hard to understand as well. Grandma has to get cleared by the state, background checks, home checks, etc. so there is a possibility that the state may find her unfit to be able to care for them.

Lately whenever R reaches to hug me or has what we call in this house a "love gush", he hugs me and says 'I want to keep you'. UGH where did he get that?! But melts my heart every time. Tonight when I was getting his jammies on his said that his 'other Mommy' had to take him to the hospital because he had lots of owies and then he starts pointing his shoulders and hips. I don't know if that's true. CPS is saying that he was abused. He doesn't act like he was abused to me (but who knows what that looks like anyway, I am sure its different with every kid and could show up later in behaviors) BUT regardless when he says things like that I just want to grab him and never let him go. My hearts says God he could have a guaranteed loving home here forever, why not that? 

But here we go again...:) This is where the faith and trust comes in. Trusting that God knows where R needs to be. He sees his future and I can not. And I do know that God will walk with him each step of the way. We will enjoy the time we get and keep teaching him and pointing him towards the only one that will never leave him, disappoint him, the one that will love him unconditionally every day of his life.   God created such a special person in R and I know he saved us for him and him for us for this time and I am so grateful.